I realised that almost half of my stories from #Januariad are titled “The Something.” It’s the episode list to a shitty sitcom!
The Painters - Joe and Liam move into their inexplicably rent-controlled New York apartment after graduation, but all of the walls are pink! Can the team of crazy Israeli contractors finish repainting it before their housewarming party guests arrive?
The Mermaid’s Rebuttal - Joe wakes up in a gutter in Coney Island after the mermaid parade. Embarassed, he makes up a story about hooking up with a mysterious burlesque dancer from the afterparty. Later that day, Liam finds her blog…
The Answering Machine - Even though nobody has landlines anymore, Joe’s mom insists that they get an answering machine. After the third threatening message from a guy named Mookie, the duo sets off to Bed-Stuy to set the score straight!
The Wishing Candle - Liam is turning 25! Joe and his new girlfriend Trixie convince him that Trixie’s family has a special candle that will grant all his wishes if he blows it out before midnight - but what will happen when he makes that wish?
The Tiger Sanctuary - At an outing to the Bronx Zoo, Joe remembers a trip he took to India in college, and wants to give up his career as an investment banker to be a Vet Without Borders. Liam buys a tabby as a compromise, but are they ready for the commitment a household pet requires?
The Freeze - After a major snowstorm cripples transportation and traps Liam at his office, Joe sets off to rescue him.
The Last Story - When the networks could not foresee that nobody wants to watch a sitcom about young investment bankers living in a rent controlled apartment during a recession, the wacky duo has to tie off loose ends and fast. Will Joe go to med school? Will Liam move back to Avon, Connecticut? Nobody really cares!
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- portersnotebook said: At first I thought the title read “Thoughts on Maiming.” But I liked it anyway.
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- jackrusher said: "The Tiger Sanctuary" is a perfect picture of a certain sort of New Yorker.
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- goldenmesh said: This so spot-on! But don’t you think you mis-titled *this* post?
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